Chapter 45: Party Favors

Elvirina

The days until the weekend, I spent primarily with Joshwin. Blake was gone most of the time focusing on his game as he said. I was unsure what he actually meant. Joshwin acted stranger than usual. One minute, he was soft and attentive as usual. The next minute, he would let me get a little closer, just to turn around and shut me out completely. To be honest, my head was spinning with his mood swings. It was really hard to keep up with him. He seemed so tightly wound. I suspected it was probably emerging from my ever changing hormones influencing him.

We decided that we would all go to Brian's party at Blake's house. Even Saddettin was coming. He rarely left the homestead at all and when he did it was to help Serenity's fathers at the market selling fruits and vegetables.

That Friday, Blake had gone to his parent’s house after school to get things in order. I remembered to call Nikki to let her know that she was invited to come.

I pawed through my closet to for something to wear. I had no party clothes whatsoever and I was pretty sure my ceremonial dress was somewhat out of vogue. I was also on a mission to hide the less discreet bump growing in my belly. I gave up trying to find something smart to wear and decided on going shopping in Serenity's closet instead. She, unlike me, went to stores from time to time actually buying stuff I never spent much money on clothes. I didn’t really care what I wore, as long as it was decent. Simple pants and tees were perfectly fine to me. Serenity, however, liked to shop, not that she was a clothes horse or went for the expensive stuff, but she cared about fashion whereas I was absolutely indifferent to the matter on a daily basis. That was why I was having a serious problem now.

I found a blue A-shaped summer dress that I could hide in. By putting on a white tank top underneath, I managed to hide my scar. I cleaned my feet that had already started to suffer from this year’s shoeless season. I pushed my feet in a pair of flat ballerina shoes though I knew people would be wearing heels to this party, but I had never shoved my feet into shoes like that nor did I plan to. I pondered if I should do something with my hair, but I gave up before I even attempted anything elaborate and settled for the usual straight hair down style.

I was jittery inside because I had never been to any kind of party, gathering or social event other than what had played out at my home, so I had no clue what to expect.

Seeing Serenity emerging from her house, I was humbled and stared in awe. She was stunning in a rather casual pair of short shorts and loose shirt with a fairly low v-neck that made boys dream that they were in Saddettin's shoes – or perhaps hands. A pang of envy flushed through me. I could never wear something like that. My scar would show and people would stare in horror.

Studying Saddettin, I couldn't figure out what was so different about him. Sure, I would bet that he borrowed his pants and shirt from Joshwin, judging by the length of the trousers. I kept examining his face. I was sure the change was there and getting into the car I finally figured it out.

“Saddettin... your hair!” I blurted, discovering that the thick brown braid was gone. His hair wasn't short, but still long just enough to be tied at the neck if he wanted to.

“It took you long enough,” Serenity sneered like she expected me to discover the change sooner rather than later.

“Just trying to fit in, I guess.” Saddettin grinned nervously. Tonight, he was truly out of his comfort zone. I felt a sudden sympathy for him. His everyday world was so different compared to ours. I offered him a small smile hoping to offer him some semblance of sympathy.

 Sitting in the back of the car, I pulled my wedding ring from my finger and place in on my necklace as the final ritual to get ready to face the world.

Most of the people outside Blake's house on this early summer evening stopped talking when we stepped out of the car. Sure, I heard there were often parties amongst the students, but never once had any of us participated. We were still the talk of the town. I ignored the chatter buzzing around in my head like boys vulgarly appreciating Serenity's attributes while I followed the others into the house.

Nikki located us upon arrival and began gushing thanks all over the place. She was so sweet and apparently never got invited to shindigs like this party. The house was crowded with a lot of familiar faces bumping and grinding each other. I locked my hand into Joshwin's before I was harshly run over by a few overzealous boys in need of getting somewhere fast. My hair got caught in something, which yanked out more than a few strands by the roots, and then my shoulder bumped the wall. That was probably going to leave a bruise. Joshwin hissed protectively and then shifted to fold his arm over my shoulder.

We found Blake in the living room talking to Beth. They were laughing and bantering. She smiled sweetly at me, before she followed a boy, who I figured was Harrison, somewhere else. This whole thing was like one chain reaction to another. It didn't take long until my head started pounding with intruding drunken voices. It took some effort to tune them out.

“You look pretty,” Blake whispered carefully from behind. I haven't had a chance to say a proper hello to him yet, but by the look of the crowd, I wouldn't have gotten to either.

“Thank you,” I answered softly appreciating that he noticed my stolen dress. He lifted his index finger, where he clutched one of those unbelievably expensive water bottles, and drew it sweetly down my arm. A wicked smile played on his lips and I couldn't help, but reciprocate that private gesture. I glanced at the bottle for some distance between us in this very public setting. “What? You're not drinking?” As an answer, he tilted the bottle to his lips.

“Nope,” he answered after he swallowed.

Joshwin and Chrystan fluttered off somewhere to find a few drinks. Saddettin glued himself to Serenity's side until he dared to venture out on his own for a bit after about an hour or so. Serenity informed me that she had plans to taunt Brian again, just as payback for giving her a mean stare.

We pushed our way to the terrace outside escaping the blaring noise of the music and people talking too loud. The fresh air was preferable as were the few seats that we found at a fancy garden table. Joshwin and Chrystan returned with more of the ridiculously expensive water bottles, sodas and a few beers that Chrystan and Saddettin quickly dug into. We kept our seats and hung out amongst ourselves as we always did. In all honesty, I enjoyed myself.

Serenity bruised Brian's ego to almost unrecognizable levels when after a dance with him, she mentally suggested that he found Saddettin and her making out like there was no tomorrow. I had to admit it was a little fun to watch the cocky guy’s jumbo size self-esteem burn to ashes.

After a lot of mingling, Blake came to sit with us for a while. People had been yanking at him from left to right. I began to realize how little I was part of his outside world. I couldn't ignore the sting in my heart, just thinking that no one actually knew him. They didn’t know how kind and extraordinary that he really was. It was clear to me that these kids wanted to know him for many other reasons than his loving heart. Camped out with this crowd, I could really see how lonely he had to have been. His smiles weren't the same here as they were at home with us. Here, they were guarded, measured, calculated and delivered at appropriate times. At home, he smiled whenever anyone spoke to him and his eyes were always shining.

Darkness was falling and the people began thinning out. My mind was bursting with voices. It was almost feed Elvirina time. Blake finished off the rest of his water gazing at me with gentle and understanding eyes. He was so good at reading me.

“Caleb... can I talk to you?” I recognized Beth's girly voice as she requested his attention. Her eyes fixed on me for a split second, but then she turned away abruptly.

“Er, sure.” He followed Beth to the large windows, where they could be seen, but not heard. Her light brown eyes focused on Blake like she wanted something. He shook his head a few times.

“Are you feeling okay, honey?” Joshwin’s hand on my shoulder captured my attention from my eavesdropping. He had just returned from the bathroom. I gazed up at him. He seemed fairly untroubled today.

“I’m okay.”

He raised his brows at me.

“Okay, a little tired and hungry, but I’ll be fine.” I turned my to attention to Beth and Blake again.

“You want me to get you something to eat?” Joshwin asked.

I shook my head, unable to tear my gaze from them. I knew they were friends, but I also knew that he never told her the truth about us, even though she had to suspect something.

Beth shoved her hand in her pocket and took Blake’s wrist with her free hand. She held her closed fist above his open palm as she requested something again, more determined this time. Her face was tilted upward in honest conversation, not the false inviting smile that everyone else used around him. Blake sighed and nodded a few times. Beth then opened her fisted hand and something golden landed in Blake's palm. His mouth fell open, as he stared at the item with wide horrified eyes. His gaze shifted to just below my chin.

My hand flew up to my neck to lock my fingers around the cluster of jewelry, but my neck was surprisingly bare. I searched with my fingers through my hair, checking if it was tangled somewhere because it had happened before, but I found nothing. I instinctively knew what had landed on Blake's palm. It was my locket with our names and my wedding ring.

Beside me, Joshwin moved out of his slouch in the chair and was suddenly hyper alert. He stared at Blake while asking. “Where’s your necklace, love?” His tone was quite flat. He knew where it was as well as I did.

I watched Blake bend and give the short girl a peck on the cheek. I could read the word thanks on his lips. Blake looked at Beth for a long time, before he called us over with a simple head nod.

I smiled, but was intimidated by the girl. I knew that she was wicked smart. I also had a feeling that she wouldn't approve of me.

“Beth found this,” Blake said and transferred the necklace to my hand. The lock was still intact, but the chain had been torn. I guess it wasn't just a few strands of hair that I lost earlier when I was shoved into a wall.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. My mind flooded with seething panic thinking that I might have lost this. My necklace was absolutely irreplaceable to me.

“In return, I promised Beth the truth,” Blake said quietly. He searched my eyes for approval then looked over my shoulder to Joshwin. Blake touched the broken chain for a brief second.

“You don’t need my permission, Blake,” Joshwin answered soberly. “Tell her whatever feels right to you.”

“Thanks,” Blake murmured shifting his eyes to me. This really was our holy union. No one would betray the trust that we shared between the three of us.

I deliberated while I found Beth’s soft light brown eyes. They were utterly confused. I couldn't access her mind, but her honest face would have to do. “You can tell her,” I said as I stepped back to give them privacy.

“Stay, Elvia,” Blake demanded, while turning his attention back to curly haired girl. Joshwin left us alone while he went back to his seat. Blake seemed to choose his words. “I er... I actually don't live here anymore.” Blake looked up at the house, seeming lost in thought for a moment. “I live with Elvirina's family. They are my family now.” He paused. Beth closed the silence.

“But I thought... I mean, what? Throw me another bone here. You live with her?” Blake nodded. “Wait, I've seen her with Josh. He was just here. What is going on?” She stared at me with an open mouth. “Is that just for show?”

“Joshwin.” Blake corrected her automatically. He knew Joshwin hated the watered down, shortened version of his name. “Er no...” Blake laughed nervously. “I’m not really sure how the hell to explain this, but Elvia and Joshwin are real enough, but so is my relationship with her.”

“What?” Beth’s voice pitched. “No, that can’t be. Well, Nikki said that she thought you were fooling around behind his back, but I just took her for a chatterbox.” Beth kept her voice down. “Caleb... you can’t be serious.” Her gazed crossed mine for less than a second, before she refused to look at me at all. “Do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into? Having an affair is degrading and hurtful. Have you thought about the consequences?” Her pretty face drew into a disapproving grimace. I could only admire her morals.

Blake laughed gently. “Beth, before you really get your panties in a twist, just stop. Joshwin is very much aware of what I am doing. What we are doing. How much do you know about Thumánn culture?”

“Not those rumors again. Jeez the stories people cook up,” Beth chided.

“They are not stories. Well, I guess some of them are, but not all are.”

“What are you saying, Caleb?” Beth narrowed her eyes.

“What I am saying is that women are kind of… sort of allowed more than one partner. Well, it is expected really. So in all honesty, Elvia is with Joshwin, but she is also with me.” He let that sit there for a moment, giving the poor girl a chance to get her bearings.

“Are you serious?” The shock was unmistakable on her face. “Both of you?” she gasped.

“Very and yes,” Blake answered simply.

Her eyes fled to my hand. “I opened that... I know what it says inside of the locket and your birthday is on the back, Caleb.” She paused and sighed, while rubbing her temples for a moment. Then she approached me directly for the first time. “Elvirina, what is that exactly?”

I opened my hand again, while watching the gold shimmer in the light of the setting sun. “A wedding ring and Blake’s version of a Thumánn marriage token.” I kept my answer short because there was no reason to rattle her cage. Learning this stuff was probably a jagged pill to swallow when you weren’t born into our culture.

“You're married?” She blurted. Her tone was so unrehearsed and stunned. “Caleb Blake, you are a man full of surprises.” It looked like she was about to burst into a fit of hysterical laughing at the absurdity of things.

“I know. Listen, Beth. You are the only one who knows about this and I expect it to stay that way,” Blake deadpanned.

“Of course, Caleb,” Not for a second did I doubt that we could trust her. There was a kindness in her that I seldom saw in girls at the school.

“Where did you find it?” Blake asked.

“Well... It wasn't exactly me who found it.” She chewed the inside of her cheek. “I saw Brian picking it up and then he put it in his pocket. I didn't know what it was at that point, but I knew that kind of jewelry wasn't his style and it didn't belong in his pocket.... so I tricked him out of it when he wouldn't give it to me.”

“Tricked how, Beth?” Blake asked, his tone was quite sharp, almost like an older brother busting a younger sister for sneaking beer out of the house.

“Ugh, the guy is such a moron.” She rolled her eyes. “I flirted with him a bit and…” She let the sentence drift off, but it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

“You made out with him?” Blake literally barked at her.

“No! Don't insult me. I kissed him once and fished it from his pocket.” She made a wry face. Blake stared at her. “I do live on the wrong side of the tracks. Pickpocketing comes with the address.” I laughed at her as she babbled.

“So, you and Brian, huh?” Blake batted his lashes at her not too innocently.

”Fat chance in hell. Talk about lizard tongue... eww. By the way, there is no more soap in your bathroom downstairs.” Blake stared at her wide eyed. “It was a joke, Caleb. I didn’t wash my mouth out with soap… but perhaps I should have.” Beth drawled.

“Oh.”

“I just hope the idiot is drunk enough not to remember.” She frowned theatrically.

I was still chuckling from their banter. They were an odd pairing.

Blake smiled a huge face splitting grin. “I can take care of that for you.” His eyes were gleaming with unspoken humor. Serenity's affinity came in handy sometimes. “So now you know,” Blake said softly awaiting her judgment.

“Yeah, I can't believe that you didn't tell me,” she whined. “Do you have any other skeletons in the closet that I need to know about?” She threw a slap at his stomach. I was surprised that she took the news so easily. In the beginning, she seemed kind of territorial.

“I can't believe that you didn’t find out sooner.” Blake mocked. “You are supposed to be sooo smart.”

“Touché.” She grinned and took a small sip of her fizzy drink.

“Now that you do know, I have a few people that you should meet.”

She gulped. “They are so intimidating... and tall,” she whispered like I couldn't hear her. Though, I had a hard time thinking that she would find anybody intimidating. She had guts and tenacity. I could see why Blake was friends with her. Really good friends, it seemed.

“Hey, I’m tall.” Blake bantered, while pretending to be offended. It was funny that he needed to point that out because he towered over Beth, so did I.

“Yeah, well. I know you suffer from ODD, so you're excused. You’re not at all intimidating, not by a long shot.”

“ODD?” Blake's brows furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, Obsessive Delusional Disorder.”

“Shut the fuck up, but you’re right. Though, the only one who scares me is Serenity.” He inclined his head. “Come with me, short one.” He ruffled her hair and slung an arm over her shoulder, while leading the way to the others who were still gathered in the same spot. Quickly, Blake took a sweep of the remaining guests and found no one close or within hearing range.

“Beth, here are the cliff notes, so pay attention. You know Joshwin, who in Thumánn terminology is Elvia’s soul mate and my brother by my marriage to Elvirina. Chrystan, who I am not sure if you know, is Joshwin’s older brother by birth. You know Serenity and that handsome guy who she is grinding her ass all over is her soul mate, Saddettin. Everyone, this is Beth.” Blake finished nonchalantly and sat down.

Beth meekly raised her hand and gave a small ‘hi’.

Beth hung out with us for the duration of the evening. I was more than surprised when she pulled up a chair and had a go with any kind of question that she could think up. The only thing that she wasn't told about was the pregnancy. Serenity discreetly took care of the Brian incident without her even noticing anything.

I escaped to the kitchen attempting to find something that I dared putting into my mouth. I found a few pieces of dry bread that would have to do. It was better than the outlook of an extra trip to the bathroom. After I got food in my stomach, the next problem surfaced - fatigue.

Looking around, I realized the house was a mess. Plastic cups, beer and soda cans and potato chips smashed into the floors. It looked like a pigsty.

Outside again on the terrace, I slumped onto Joshwin's lap. I was dead on my feet. “You want go home?” Joshwin asked, while fully tapped into my feelings.

“We should help clean up.” Looking around that would postpone the trip home considerably. With no guests left, it was impressive that they had been capable of making a mess this big.

“We should, but you should sleep.” His hand cupped my cheek. Feeling tired, I leaned into him, closing my eyes.

“Guys, I still have a bed here.” Blake interrupted. “You can take that, Elvia.”

“That sounds so good.” I sighed. Having an opportunity to sleep so close was too tempting to resist.

Joshwin pushed me from his lap. “I'll tuck you in,” he whispered. Moving with heavy feet, I dragged my exhausted body upright.

“It was really nice to finally meet you, Beth,” I said.

“Same to you,” she answered quietly. She was the only person left, besides my family.

“Night, Blake.”

“Sleep tight, Sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I received a few short, but warm kisses, before I trotted off to his room in search of the sleep that I knew would come instantly. Joshwin followed me.

“Oh. My. Freaking. God.” Beth gasped behind me.

Blake chuckled. “I know. Welcome to the world of weird and freaky. It takes some getting used to, but it’s all good, Beth.”

I dumped the dress on the floor and climbed in the massive bed. Joshwin pulled the sheets over me. “You want me to stay until you fall asleep?” Joshwin asked. His voice was tender and hushed. He knew my head was buzzing with the aftermath of masses of voices. I hadn't expected it would be so busy in my head with all the kids drinking.

“Yes, please. I promise it won’t take long.” I yawned as Joshwin lay down beside me. I eased my fingers under his shirt hoping that he would let me. I wanted the rhythm of his heartbeat to calm my frayed nerves and tired body. The last thing that I felt was a tender hand stroking my stomach.

The sun was fierce through the large windows when I woke from a dreamless sleep. I knew instantly that I had been out for hours. I stretched and waited to the nausea to begin. It would be the third good day in a row if it didn't come back.

“Morning,” A husky voice croaked.

“Morning.” I peeked up at him. “I thought... where's Joshwin?”

“He went home with the others.”

“They forgot me?”

Blake laughed. “No. They chose to leave you behind. Joshwin didn't want to wake you. In return, I promised that you’d call him when you woke up.” Blake fished his phone out from his pocket of the pants that he wore yesterday. I punched in Joshwin's number and waited. The conversation was short. He refused my insistence that I came home now, as he was leaving to go hunting with Chrystan and the team of fathers. I wasn't sure whether it was true or fabricated. At the end of the call, I shut off the phone and snuggled into the sheets again.

“Food?” Blake asked.

“Soon.” I propped myself up on my elbow. Yesterday’s revelations were fresh in my mind. “Is Beth okay?”

“She's almost fine. I'm going to call her later to make sure, but she's tough.”

“I didn't know that she was that good of a friend.”

“Yeah... she's a good person. Besides the people at home and you, she is the only one who actually knows me.”

“I could see that. I’m glad that you have such a good friend in her. I’m happy that she knows about us.”

“Sure, but enough about her... do you realize that this is actually the first time that we have been alone? I mean really, really alone.” Blake's eyes smoldered as he drew a finger down my arm.

“Oh wow. We are never alone, are we?” Thinking back through the past few months, we were always at home with people around us.

“No... and I plan on taking full advantage of that.” He mused.

“Whatever do you mean?” I purred, having a strong feeling where all of this was headed. I pushed him down on the mattress and straddled him.

“You have such a dirty mind, baby. Do you ever think about anything other than sex? However, I was referring to a day where we stay here, just us. I am kidnapping you and keeping you all to myself. I thought that we could make some dinner later and watch a movie or something.” He hooked his arms around my waist pulling me down to him.

“Is that why you didn't drink last night?” The only thing that he had been consuming was water and soda. I leaned down letting the kiss build and heat up.

“Yes,” Blake mouthed. He parted his lips, while letting me taste him. His mouth was all fresh and minty. He had definitely brushed his teeth. I didn't care that I might be sporting a foul morning breath. Desire was building deep in my belly and I was ready to put up the black walls and close us in complete privacy. “I didn't want to spend today hung-over,” Blake said into my mouth and started to push me back from my brace over him. “You should have some breakfast and we’ll save this for later.”

“Sure. Sounds good,” I answered softly, but my body was already disappointed and recoiled to a corner to pout at the rejection. I really needed a new hobby. Determined to show him how much I wanted him right now, I leaned down again and began tracing my hands up his warm chest. Food would have to wait.

“Seriously, we need to get some food in your system. Otherwise, I know exactly where this day is headed.” He widened his eyes giving me a knowing look and then peeled me off his body while I groaned in defeat. My hormones stirred and I felt irritated. “I'm not spending the morning holding your hair again.” I cringed and chucked those days away. There were many and they were fresh. Blake was a pro a holding my hair when I was crouched over a toilet puking my guts out.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I murmured.

I followed behind Blake downstairs where I was surprised to see the place was spotless again, not a speck of the mess from last night was visible. “Who cleaned?”

“Santa's little helpers... nah, Joshwin and the rest stayed and helped me out. Brian was kind enough to plan the party, but stupid enough to pass out in the garage.”

“He's here?”

“No. I kicked him out an hour ago.” Blake pulled the fridge open and fished out a few remedies, butter and OJ. No one was ever here, so I was surprised to find there was even that amount of food in the fridge. Besides, that hadn't been there last night. “I was prepared for you staying here, just in case.” I could see it in his eyes.

“You hoped that I would stay.”

“Yes. I wanted us to have a day to ourselves.” He smiled apologetically, while getting bread out of a drawer.

“You set this up with Joshwin?”

“Not exactly. I just hoped that he would get the hint. He's usually a very perceptive guy. Besides, I am not allowed to scheme and plot anymore, remember?” Blake winked at me.

“So, his decision to go hunting wasn't a coincidence?”

“Probably not.”

“I figured... so how long do we have?”

“Until tomorrow morning, I suspect. I have to be at the school at seven in the morning. That leaves me just enough time to drop you off at home.” The prospect of being really alone with Blake was deeply enticing. Not that I minded one bit how our life was shaped, but I wanted it for him.

I finished breakfast sitting on the countertop with Blake watching me and stealing a few bites. We each had a shower before heading out for a walk. I shrugged into the same tank top as yesterday and pulled the dress over it again.

“You really don't need that.” Blake traced the edge of the top with two fingers.

“My scar will show.” I stared at him confused.

“So what? It is how you look and who you are. There is absolutely no need to hide. Besides, it is really hot outside.” He pulled the dress over my head and then the tank top followed. After I tugged back into the summer dress, I saw a few tips of the handprint above the neckline. I swallowed and studiously ignored seeing it when I brushed my hair and put it into a messy bundle on my head.

“So where are we going?” My hand was locked in Blake's, as we walked along the river that wasn’t far from his house. Even though I had lived here my entire life, I had never seen much of the city.

“You'll see. We need to get a few things for dinner.”

“What are we cooking?”

“Pizza. It was all that I could come up with my limited cooking skills.” His bashful smile was stunning. It was a liberating and completely new feeling to be anywhere public with Blake. We only spend time together at our house. We didn't really go anywhere and seldom together. Our life was based at the homestead.

“There are also a few things that I need to talk to you about.” He pushed his shades into his hair, as his eyes soared down at me with a rare solemn expression.

“Sounds serious.” I muttered out loud, while reading his eyes.

“It is.”

“Problems?” I asked.

“No, but I have a few things on my mind that I need answers for.” Blake’s gaze was still grave.

“Okay.” I shuddered slightly on the inside. Blake was never serious like this. A chill, that would normally be impossible on a day with temperatures climbing this fast, slithered through me.

“I don't know if I am allowed to ask this, but it is bothering the hell out of me.”

“What is?” I defied the sun and looked up at his face, while letting the piercing rays heat my face.

“Joshwin. I told myself some time ago that it wasn't my problem, but as things have progressed, it keeps popping up in my head and gnawing at my mind. All I really want is to protect him and spare him some pain.”

“You care for him. Don't you?” The sun burned my eyes, but I had to see his face.

“Yeah, more than I ever thought possible. When I decided to marry you, I thought that he was someone that I had to put up with and someone who would just be there. I didn't realize how deeply I would connect with everyone. I never did before, so I didn't know that I could. It’s just that now I can't ignore it anymore.” He drew a slow breath, looking straight at me.

“Ignore what?”

“Your bond. This is the part where I am pretty sure that I am not allowed to ask questions.” A tense smile shaped his lips and his hand locked harder around my fingers.

“You could try asking and I can decide if I will answer.”

“Okay. How can he survive sensing when you and I have sex? I mean that it has to be almost the same as your nausea. He feels that too and it makes him react.” A tormented look bled from his eyes and his lower lip twitched nervously. He was honestly worried.

Blake was right. These types of questions were technically not allowed. It was none of his concern. I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted this conversation. Had Blake grown up the same way Joshwin and I had, this talk probably wouldn’t be necessary, but Blake was still new to our lifestyle. In all honesty, it was only fair that he had his concerns.

“I'm just concerned, that's all. I'm not sure that I could take it if the situation was reversed.” The sympathy was thick in the lines of his forehead. Blake knew how the bond worked and Joshwin's was stronger than our fake/not fake bond from when he saved my life.

I decided to be honest. “He doesn't take it. I block him out, Blake.”

A rough sigh of relief cursed between us. “I was kind of hoping for that... I thought that you weren't allowed to do that anymore.”

“I'm not, but I made a deal with Joshwin that I would block him when it happens.”

“When did you agree to do that?” Blake asked carefully.

“The day after we got married. He asked me if I could block him every time that we make love. He thinks that he's a coward because he can't bear it, like he’s supposed to.”

Blake smiled carefully and with appreciation. “He's not coward. Not at all. He's smart enough to not let me destroy him. He's just protecting himself. Every living creature has that instinct.”

“I’m happy that you see it that way and of course he knows when it happens, but he doesn't feel a thing,” I promised.

“I'm glad... for me and for him.” He paused for a long time. “Can I ask another question that I'm not supposed to?”

“Er... sure.” I swallowed back hard, while closing my eyes a brief second. This wasn’t exactly comfortable talking about.

“How are things with you and him?”

“The same.” I kept my answer short. There was no need to elaborate. “But you know that, don't you? Dreams?”

“Lonely dreams. I see the loneliness, Elvia.” So even Blake knew the extent of my deprivation with it came to Joshwin. I never imagined anyone knowing me as well as Joshwin did, but Blake was very close to that point.

“Yeah... not much that I can do about it.” I sighed. “We can’t change the past.”

“I’m not sure that I want to change the past because that means that I wouldn’t be with you. I’m that selfish because I don’t want to live without you. In retrospect though, I wish that I hadn’t torn his heart out the way that I did. I wish there would have been a different way to where we are now.”

I sighed feeling the sadness wash over me. “I don’t think there was another way, definitely not one that we would have seen.”

“I know,” Blake said quietly. “I just wish that he wasn’t hurting because of us.”

“Me too.” I squeezed his hand. Blake reciprocated.

“There is something else that I wanted to talk to you about.” Blake interrupted my internal battle. Houses were becoming smaller and closer together, as we got near the dense part of the city.

“Yeah,” I answered with a busy mind, but it felt really good to air this out like dirty laundry. The more it was exposed to the open, the less it cluttered my mind.

“About our baby, Joshwin is just gunning ahead the traditional way, but to be honest that is not good enough for me. This is my son or daughter by blood and genes. I want just as much say in its life as Joshwin.”

“I never thought about it any other way.” I glanced up again. Puzzled. I hadn't considered how differently Blake's and Joshwin's perspectives on claiming this child would be. Naturally, each of them would consider it their child - Joshwin through culture and Blake through blood.

“You might not, but I am pretty sure that Joshwin has. I have a feeling that he expects it to be like it was with his fathers and yours, but I was brought up the human way, as you know. I am the biological father and I want to have parental rights the human way. I can't settle for anything less. It is not that he shouldn't have a say in the child’s life.”

“I see your problem. Basically, you both want the same thing.”

“Yeah... to be a father.” Blake chuckled.

I stopped while I pondered. Blake always had a reason to do things. Motives. “Why are you telling me this now? When we are alone… are you trying to get a head start, so to speak?” I knew my words were harsh, but I had to know the truth. Blake froze and let go of my hand.

“Okay. Now, I chose not to get pissed off because I don't want to ruin today, but Elvia, that is not fair at all. I am not trying to throw Joshwin under the fucking bus.” Blake's voice was frosty and firm.

“I'm sorry, but it would ultimately be my decision. You know that.” I was the head of the family. Joshwin would follow my lead no matter what. Blake probably wouldn't or would he?

“I do know that,” Blake answered.

“Are you telling me that you're not trying to play the game the best way to get what you want?” I shielded my eyes with my hand to avoid the fierce sun when looking up at his face.

“Of course I am, but not for my own benefit. It is for the benefit of my family. Don't accuse me of playing dirty.” His voice was close to anger. It was simmering just under the surface.

“I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.” I reached for his hand to soothe the brewing argument. He took it reluctantly. I twined our fingers together kissing the back of his palm. “I’m sorry, Blake.”

“I forgive you. Can you talk to him?” He implored.

“Yeah, I can talk to him.” I paused. “Blake, did you think that you can’t talk to Joshwin about this?” I frowned, while feeling somewhat confused. We should all be able to talk to each other, even about the difficult and uncomfortable stuff.  

“I think it will be better coming from you and not me. He’s kind of high strung these days and this is quite a delicate subject, so I thought that you might do it while I'm away. It’ll give him a few days to think things over.”

I raised my brows. So, I wasn’t the only one who saw his obvious irritation that had a tendency to rear its head. “He is a bit moody, but Blake, you don’t need me to be the middle man.”

“I know. I was just trying to be tactful about the subject and give him some space.”

I laughed, clearly seeing the punch line now. “So you did have a plan.”

“Don't I always?” He smirked. I knew that he had motives, though it was only to protect us all. I was so blind and a bit miffed at myself for actually thinking that way.

“I will talk to him. In my opinion, I think you’re right to ask about both your roles as fathers,” I said quietly.

We started walking again. I recognized the streets and this part of town. I didn't realize that Blake's house was so close to the market. “Now, I have a demand for you. I have accepted that you didn't tell your parents about us, but I think it is time.”

“You know what? I was thinking that same thing, but I want to do it face to face and they will only be home when I am gone and then they leave for two months again. Will you allow me to wait till after the summer?” Blake asked softly.

“Are you actually asking my permission?” I raised a brow gleefully.

“I guess.” He chuckled.

“Choose the rules that you play by?” I droned sarcastic and narrowed my eyes at him.

“No... I pick the rules that I play by.”

“Don't we all, but I approve of your rules.” I bit my lip as a few more questions had begun to resurface in my head along with being pregnant. We were from such different cultures. “I think that they should know...  My people, I mean, where my parents come from. They should know that I married you. They should also know about this baby.”

“Why Elvia? Your people? You mean the people that basically kicked your parents out of that place. What about Joshwin and you? They wanted to tear you apart.” His lip twitched.

“No, Blake. My parents chose to leave and my people should know because it is the center of my culture and my origin. As for Joshwin and I, they can't do anything to hurt us now because we have our commitment. Besides, they were wrong,” I explained.

Blake sighed. “You're sure? I don't want our kid to be turned into a lab rat because he or she is special.”

“None of us would ever allow that. I know that you sometimes wonder where you came from.”

“Now, you are simply pushing my buttons, but yeah, I do.”

“Blake, we will figure all of this out, but Joshwin should participate in this conversation.” It seemed unfair to decide anything without Joshwin's presence. Would we actually have to pick a culture between us? Blake’s or Joshwin's and mine? We should all be there for that type of conversation.

“Yeah, you’re right that Joshwin should be here for this,” Blake agreed soberly.

As we arrived at the market square, we stopped at a small, but very fancy jewelry store. I was scared of even touching the floors with my shoes. I might leave marks on the polished surface. Blake handed my necklace over for repair, while requesting whether it was possible that we could pick it up in an hour. Looking at the pieces in the display cases, it was easy to see where my locket came from because they all had the same ethereal look. I avoided any kind of price tags, fearing a heart attack or a seriously guilty conscience.

I was surprised to see that we were actually going to the market where my family worked. We stopped at our shop, where I was struck once again to see Saddettin's almost short hair. We picked up everything organic that we needed to make pizzas from scratch, and then headed back to the jewelry store again. A huge smile was plastered on Blake’s face as he put our marriage token around my neck where it belonged.

I was close to being overwhelmed at how good it felt to hold Blake's hand in public and smile at him the way that I always wanted to. I hadn't realized how much I missed it until now.

I found a random book to read and fell asleep outside in the shade in a way too comfortable deck chair after lunch.

“Want to shoot some hoops?” Blake encouraged, while spinning the ball swiftly on his index finger when I woke up.

“I don't know how,” I shamefully admitted. I don't think that I ever even held a basketball. It was another thing that was a big part of his life that I didn’t know anything about it. I had never even seen him play. Staying at his place one day had clearly proved how out of balance our marriage had been. Everything had been on my terms and done my way.

“I'll show you.” He yanked me up from my comfortable lounging position.

Being rich had its perks. Blake had a private, though not full scale, court at the end of his yard. I quickly discovered that I was about as talented on a basketball court as Blake was in the kitchen. His movements were swift and precise. He could put the ball through the hoop from what seemed like an impossible distance. I wasn't sure if he took his shirt off to distract me or if he really was hot. Out here, he was making me look disabled compared to him. His smiles were brilliant and his laughs were loud. He truly enjoyed seeing me fumble around trying to catch the ball. He tried to teach me the basics, but quickly gave up. I was a lost cause.

I listened to the water splashing into the massive tub as the soap left a soft pleasing smell of roses and made fluffy white clouds on the water. The pizzas had been made and eaten when Blake had offered a swim in his parents’ massive tub. It was too good to pass up.

Blake placed a cup of tea on the lip of the tub. “Climb in,” he said. I pulled off my clothes and submerged my body into the hot water. It was magic like soft hands massaging tender muscles after a hard day’s work. Blake folded a towel for me to rest my head on. “Will you be okay here for a little while? I have a few things to do.”

“Like what?” I asked softly.

“My parents are coming home, so Rosita has to work. I’m also going to check to make sure that Beth didn't jump in front of a bus. That sort of thing.”

“I'll be fine... soaking.” I knew Blake had some sort of backwards arrangement with the housekeeper. He paid her not to work.

“You do that.” Blake left me alone with the rosy smell and a kiss. I picked up the book that I borrowed this afternoon and took a sip of the tea. I settled my head on the fluffy towel and started reading.

“Mind if I join you?” Blake asked softly. I turned my head finding his voice. He was already out of his clothes. I hadn't even heard his steps. He straddled a long leg into the tub and slipped in. There was something different about his face. It was dreamy and untouchable. He didn't say anything. Instead, he just kept smiling as he started to draw his hands up my thighs. I felt a flutter deep in my stomach. His touch was as lithe as the soapy froth floating on the water. He drew me further into the tub and tilted his head to where it met my thigh just above the surface of the water. He was kissing his way intimately up my body. Strangely, I wasn't panicking, as I would expect, since I knew what he was on a quest to do. I just followed his exploring mouth as he spread my legs wider until it met my privates. Having his mouth on me so intimately sizzled,, making my skin prickle with want at this unexpected touch. I watched as his face vanished between my legs and he started kissing that tender spot.

A large amount of water splashed rudely on my face. My legs gave out a stunned jab and I gasped loudly. I fumbled upright in the tub, while paddling through the water trying to regain my balance and avoiding getting my head stuck underwater. Frantically, I searched around for Blake in the bathroom, but it was silent as the night. I looked down to see the book sailing further into the soap and water when I realized I'd fallen asleep. I followed my heated gasping breath, which was proof of what I'd been dreaming. I flushed deeply thinking what Blake had done in my dream. It burned seductively in my stomach and my heart pounded like a jackhammer. Feebly, I tried to save the soaked pages, but the book had suffered too much damage. I dumped the drenched thing on the floor.

The best method to stop this dream from going astray again was to get out of the bath. I didn't bother drying off, but slipped my arms into a terry robe hanging lonely off the wall. While trying to soothe my erratic breath, I contemplated whether the dream was humiliating and stepping over personal boundaries or simply a raw turn on? How would it truly feel if he put his mouth down there? My face heated with the mere thought of it. We were intimate often, but we were still getting to know each other that way. There were so many aspects to explore and with both of us never having been with anyone else, we were taking our time. Getting to know someone’s body, needs, desires and moods didn't just happen overnight, no matter the level of attraction. It took time, careful consideration and respect. I knew people did it, but so far, it was unknown territory for us. More importantly, would Blake even want to put his mouth down there? I had no clue. He never mentioned it and I was a bit shy to come right out and ask.

Dripping water all over the floor, I ventured out to find my husband. He was in the kitchen on the phone, just as I expected. He looked over at me puzzled upon my entrance.

“Mom... I have to go.” He didn't wait for any kind of response. He just hung up. “Are you okay?”

My heart still slammed in my chest as I drew a careful breath. I was flustered just by looking at him, mainly his lips as he spoke, but I couldn't let it give me away. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I hoisted myself to the kitchen table, still dripping water. “Did you get everything done?” I asked to divert my brain.

“I did.” He silently studied my face and my eyes. Then he broke into a surprised stunning smile. “Oh wow!  Elvia, did you just... er give yourself a treat?” He chose his words carefully as he smirked quite entertained by my expression. I frowned not comprehending, but then it sank in what he meant and my face heated violently. He thought that I'd touched and pleasured myself and in his parents’ bathroom of all places.

“No!” I refused, but I knew that my face betrayed me. The pulsating heat from minutes ago already had my blood stirred into a frenzy.

Blake grinned. “It's perfectly fine, if you did.” He drew a few fingers down my wet face. It hummed electrically against my warm skin.

“I didn't... just nothing.” I blushed all over again and an even angrier color painted my cheeks. I fought hard to breathe calmly. I hadn't realized that I was that obvious.

“Then what?” He begged, while amused by my discomfort. He followed my escaping gaze, when I lowered my eyes.

“I just... er...” I struggled for words and chewed hard at my thumbnail for a moment. “I fell asleep and had a dream... that's all.” I looked down, fidgeting with the black bracelet of my hair closed around his wrist.

“What kind of dream?” He asked softly. I dared a glance through my lashes. His face was brightly amused then he nodded. “Ah... that kind of dream.” I didn't answer. I couldn't even look at him. “Tell me what it was about,” he coaxed.

“No!” I refused harshly.

“Please.” He begged softly. His dimples were stealing my resistance and tampering with my already aroused hormones. He was so much better at wording what he wanted. I just blushed and clamped up.

“No.” I refused again. There was no way that I could tell him that. It was just too embarrassing.

Limb fingers toyed with the cord of the robe, slowly untying it. “I don't think that I have seen anything so tempting as you sitting here with your face all red, wet, that look in your eyes and with a naughty dream.”

“Is that so?” I mumbled inaudibly. I was still humiliated, but I couldn't stop my body from reacting when he pushed the robe open and slipped it off my shoulders. My legs drew apart a few inches, inviting him closer.

“Now, you're just provoking me.”

When I was left completely nude on his parents’ kitchen counter, he demanded my mouth with feverish hunger. Blake's hands were at my knees as he gently pushed up my thighs. His tongue plunged into my mouth, inflaming the smoldering embers from my dream. He carefully trailed his fingers between my legs and he hummed into my mouth. “You're soaked.” He voice was heated. I immediately caught the fact that he wasn't talking about the bathwater covering my body. He gently started rubbing the sensitive swelling, which electrified me. I moaned with pleasure and my head fell back. My mind fogged over. It felt so good. More than good. The need was suddenly uncontrollable.

“Blake,” I gasped, while feeling the need for him peak and tumble over the edge leaving this unbearable hole in my body. “Now.” I didn’t have many words and I couldn’t bring myself to say what I really wanted him to do to my body. “I can’t wait.” Our mouths ferociously crashed together as we kissed.

“Here?” His tone was hardly surprised like he was thinking the exact same thing. He was only holding back for me. He didn’t need to, not at all. I fumbled with the buttons in his pants, not getting them open fast enough. The longing for him was at a point where it hurt.

“Yes, now,” I practically whined. “Please, just take me.”

There wasn’t much sound when his pants hit the floor. With a firm grasp on my hips, he pulled me to the edge of the table where I sat spread wide for him as he claimed me. He wasn’t rough when I finally tasted the medicine that would end this incontrollable surge of desire. He was firm, his grasp strong, and his thrusting was just right to kill the ache that my body was battling. I fished my hands into his hair as I climaxed noisily with garbled noises leaving my chest. It was short and sweet and just an appetizer for what the night would hold.

“I'm sorry that you didn't get any sleep at all,” I said.

“I'll sleep on the bus.” The morning was cool and misty. Blake had stuffed me in one of his hoodies, and for the third day in a row, I had pulled on the summer dress I had borrowed from Serenity. “I shouldn't keep you up all night either. I need to take better care of you now.” He pushed his hand over the swelling on my belly.

“You take great care of me.” I smiled involuntarily thinking about the night. After my humiliating dream and Blake giving me exactly what I needed in his parents’ kitchen, he had taken me to bed. We stayed in each other’s arms until there was barely time for him to take a shower and pack the rest of his stuff. It was six in the morning and he was dropping me off at home.

“I'll miss you. I'll call you once a day,” he whispered into the column of my throat.

“Okay.” I snuggled into his neck. We hadn't been away from each other for more than a day, since the end of winter. I didn't want to depress myself thinking that he would be gone for five days this time. Secretly, I worried what it might do to him. I still remembered days where his face would grow dark with a deep need to be near me.

“Stop fussing Elvie... He'll be fine.” Joshwin's voice came from behind me on the porch.

“Morning, Joshwin.” Blake croaked from the base of my neck. “I'll see you in few days sweetheart... I love you so much.”

“I love you more.” I fought the tears and tried not to snort.

“Not possible,” he whispered.

I kissed him a few times, before I was able to let him go.

Joshwin handed Blake a paper bag with some level of amusement. Blake took it warily. “Dew made you a packed lunch.” Joshwin could barely keep his face straight. Blake gaped.

“What am I? Five?” He scratched the back of his head, looking a little touched in spite of the witty comebacks. “Tell him, thanks.” He shoved his hand in his pocket, holding out a set of keys. “Will you pick up my car from school? If you don’t need it, lend it to Beth. I know she could use it.”

“Beth, it is then,” Joshwin said softly.

“See you, Joshwin. Take care of her.” Blake called over his shoulder like I was now the five-year old.

“Will do.” Joshwin answered. I watched Blake pull out of the courtyard and then I followed Joshwin inside. Loyal as he was, there was my breakfast ready to be consumed. Day four without nausea... this was looking good.

“You should get some sleep,” Joshwin said from across the table. I nodded, thinking Joshwin knew that I had been too busy to close an eye, but he would never call me on it.

In my room, I was ordered to shower and then tucked into bed resting my head on Joshwin's lap, since he wanted to sit with me while I slept.